Telling Tales

Telling Tales

Written by coyote

The coyote rarely sets her paws to the keys, but this month, she has either found a moral in each of the first 33 episodes (after all, what’s a tale, without a moral?) or gleaned some pearl of wisdom from the episode itself.

In honor of Roy Huggins.  What greater tale could the man tell than the tale of two pretty good bad men?

1. Alias Smith and Jones Pilot – The world is full of walk-offs.  And, you don’t have to read it, if you wrote it.

2. The McCreedy Bust – Big Mac paid how much for that bust of Caesar?  The man’s nuts!  Do NOT work for him!

3. Exit from Wickenburg – The key word, being the first.  Exit = A way out.  Departure.  Good advice, boys.  You should have listened!  (Note: Appearance of Bonanza cast member in guest-star list always denotes trouble!)

4. Wrong Train to Brimstone – Thought you boys were trying to learn your lesson about stealing things… Like train tickets?

5. The Girl in Boxcar #3 – Authentic experience – It’s the only kind to have!  (Episode also contains coyote fantasy – A roll in the hay with Curry… Sigh!  But that Annabelle is so darned annoying, the coyote would like to give her a good nip!)

6. The Great Shell Game – When you steal a story concept from Butch and Sundance, turn-about is fair play.

7. Return to Devil’s Hole – Moral?  DON’T!

8. A Fistful of Diamonds – This is Soapy.  He KNOWS Heyes and Curry!  Shouldn’t he count those diamonds BEFORE letting the boys out of his sight?

9. Stagecoach Seven – If the West was really full of men like Downs and Bowers, no wonder Heyes and Curry come off looking like knights in shining armor!

10. The Man Who Murdered Himself – The coyote leaves any pearls of wisdom to the myriad of Heyesienne gals, who, with this episode, bask in a brief moment of creek-side heaven.

11. The Root of It All – Wear shorts under your skirt when climbing a water tower.

12. The Fifth Victim – Note to self:  Never, NEVER talk in my sleep!

13. Journey from San Juan – Avoid cantinas in Mexico featuring irritating, French-accented, damsel-in-distress singers.  Also, when singing karaoke, never choose, “Do-like-I-do-do-do.”

14. Never Trust an Honest Man – Title could have been shortened.  “Never Trust a Man.”  Whoops!  Sorry, Mr. Coyote!  I did NOT mean to say that!

15. The Legacy of Charlie O’Rourke – When a woman throws a note at a man from a bird cage, she probably wants more than tea.

16. The Day They Hanged Kid Curry – Multi-tasking would become the way of the twentieth century and beyond.  Talking while holding a cigar in your teeth, brandishing a weapon, and manipulating a washcloth with your toes.  Impressive!

17. How to Rob a Bank in One Hard Lesson – Lorraine is my kind of woman!  Just when I think I’ve lost my grip on reality, she assures me that others have fallen further than I.

18. Jailbreak at Junction City – Even an outlaw can wear a badge.  Especially if he’s the sheriff!

19. Smiler with a Gun – If Curry is sporting a mustache, stay out of his way!

20. The Posse That Wouldn’t Quit – If you plan to skin someone, you don’t just bludgeon in.  You have to use a little finesse.  Also, the Kid’s got a dang nice gait!

21. Something to Get Hung About – A man WANTING to change don’t mean cow-pucky!

22. Six Strangers at Apache Springs – Try to be just a little bit frivolous!

23. Night of the Red Dog – When a man’s lying, his heart rate increases… Or his lips move.

24. The Reformation of Harry Briscoe – What has the world come to when our boys can’t trust a nun!?

25. Dreadful Sorry, Clementine – I’m dreadful sorry too, Clem, but only that you didn’t appear more regularly in the series!  Do you think Sally realized at the time just how lucky she was?

26. Shootout at Diablo Station – Flying the flag inverted will signal for help?  Not in my neighborhood!

27. The Bounty Hunter – Even Curry and Heyes can have an off day!

28. Everything Else You Can Steal – The moral is clearly stated in the title.  And the only thing you have to earn in life is love!

29. Miracle at Santa Marta – I believe in miracles!  And in a Hannibal Heyes plan!

30. 21 Days to Tenstrike – Don’t back a loser.  And, another appearance by that pesky Bonanza cast member.  Trouble, boys!  Mark my words!

31. The McCreedy Bust: Going Going Gone! – I’m not much of a philosopher, I just kind of take things as they come.  And, if we were all saints we wouldn’t need people like Reverend Spencer.

32. The Man Who Broke the Bank at Red Gap – Never try to walk seven miles in cowboy boots.  And, never get involved in another man’s game!

33. The Men That Corrupted Hadleyburg – Never eat a pie, containing a weapon previously hidden down someone’s backside!

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

March 2010

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